The Priest Joke

Created by nebuchadnezzar

This is the most vicious shaggy dog story I've ever heard. I nearly killed a man over this. Use with caution, and more importantly, on people smaller than you.

A man is driving down a deserted country road when his car suddenly breaks down. He gets out and starts walking until he encounters a monastery. He knocks on the door and is let in by a little old priest. The priest takes the man in, giving him a place to stay for the night.

As the man is lying in his bed, he suddenly hears beautiful singing. It is the most beautiful sound he had ever heard, and it is emanating from somewhere within the monastery. He gets out of bed and searches the monastery for the rest of the night, but with no luck.

In the morning, as he is leaving the monastery, he asks the old priest, "What was the source of that beautiful singing? I searched for it all night but couldn't find it. Please tell me, I have to know!"

The priest responds, "I can't tell you that--you're not a priest."

Finding the source of the beautiful sound becomes the man's obsession, and so he decides to become a priest. He goes to a seminary and studies for years and years in order to become a priest. Finally, on the day he is ordained, he drives full speed back to the monastery. He knocks on the door and the old priest answers.

The man says to the old priest, "Now that I'm a priest, can you tell me the source of that beautiful singing?"

The old priest says, "Yes, take this key. The source is behind that door."

So the man unlocks the door and sees before him--an immense staircase, leading up so high he can't see the top, and so steep it's almost impossible to climb. So he starts climbing the staircase, he almost trips, he almost falls, he almost trips, he almost falls, and he finally gets to the top, where he finds a door--and it's locked. So he climbs back down the staircase, he almost falls, he almost trips, he almost falls, he almost trips, and he says to the old priest, "There's a door up there, and it's locked. Can I have the key?"

And the old priest says, "Of course! I forgot. Here is the key."

So the man climbs the staircase, he almost trips, he almost falls, he almost trips, he almost falls, he comes to the door, unlocks it, opens it, and sees before him--a vast forest. So he starts crossing the forest, he almost gets eaten by bears, he almost gets bitten by wolves, and he finally gets to the end of the forest where he finds a door--and it's locked. So he goes back through the forest, he almost gets bitten by wolves, he almost gets eaten by bears, he goes back down the staircase, he almost falls, he almost trips, he almost falls, he almost trips, and he says to the old priest, "There's a door up there, and it's locked. Can I have the key?"

And the old priest says, "Of course! I forgot. Here is the key."

So the man climbs the staircase, he almost trips, he almost falls, he almost trips, he almost falls, he crosses the forest, he almost gets eaten by bears, he almost gets bitten by wolves, he comes to the door, unlocks it, opens it, and sees before him--a huge ocean. So he goes back into the forest and collects some wood to make a raft. He gets on his raft and starts crossing the sea, he almost gets eaten by sharks, he almost gets stung by jellyfish, he almost DROWNS, and he finally gets to the other side of the ocean where he finds a door--and it's locked. So he goes back across the ocean, he almost DROWNS, he almost gets stung by jellyfish, he almost gets eaten by sharks, he goes back through the forest, he almost gets bitten by wolves, he almost gets eaten by bears, he goes back down the staircase, he almost falls, he almost trips, he almost falls, he almost trips, and he says to the old priest, "There's a door up there, and it's locked. Can I have the key?"

And the old priest says, "Of course! I forgot. Here is the key."

So the man climbs the staircase, he almost trips, he almost falls, he almost trips, he almost falls, he crosses the forest, he almost gets eaten by bears, he almost gets bitten by wolves, he gets on his raft and crosses the sea, he almost gets eaten by sharks, he almost gets stung by jellyfish, he almost DROWNS, he comes to the door, unlocks it, opens it, and sees before him--a huge desert. So he starts crossing the desert, he has to walk through sandstorms, he almost dies of thirst, and he finally gets to the end of the desert where he finds a door--and it's locked. So he goes back across the desert, he almost dies of thirst, he has to walk through sandstorms, he goes back across the ocean, he almost DROWNS, he almost gets stung by jellyfish, he almost gets eaten by sharks, he goes back through the forest, he almost gets bitten by wolves, he almost gets eaten by bears, he goes back down the staircase, he almost falls, he almost trips, he almost falls, he almost trips, and he says to the old priest, "There's a door up there, and it's locked. Can I have the key?"

And the old priest says, "Of course! I forgot. Here is the key."

So the man climbs the staircase, he almost trips, he almost falls, he almost trips, he almost falls, he crosses the forest, he almost gets eaten by bears, he almost gets bitten by wolves, he gets on his raft and crosses the sea, he almost gets eaten by sharks, he almost gets stung by jellyfish, he almost DROWNS, he crosses the desert, he has to walk through sandstorms, he almost dies of thirst, he comes to the door, unlocks it, opens it, and sees before him--an immense mountain. So he starts climbing the mountain, he almost gets crushed by avalanches, he almost FALLS OFF, and he finally gets to the top of the mountain where he finds a little hut. He can hear the beautiful singing coming from the hut right in front of him--but the door is locked. So he goes back down the mountain, he almost FALLS OFF, he almost gets crushed by avalanches, he goes back across the desert, he almost dies of thirst, he has to walk through sandstorms, he goes back across the ocean, he almost DROWNS, he almost gets stung by jellyfish, he almost gets eaten by sharks, he goes back through the forest, he almost gets bitten by wolves, he almost gets eaten by bears, he goes back down the staircase, he almost falls, he almost trips, he almost falls, he almost trips, and he says to the old priest, "There's a hut up there with the source of that beautiful sound in it, but it's locked. PLEASE, can I have the key?"

And the old priest says, "Of course! I forgot. Here is the key."

So the man climbs the staircase, he almost trips, he almost falls, he almost trips, he almost falls, he crosses the forest, he almost gets eaten by bears, he almost gets bitten by wolves, he gets on his raft and crosses the sea, he almost gets eaten by sharks, he almost gets stung by jellyfish, he almost DROWNS, he crosses the desert, he has to walk through sandstorms, he almost dies of thirst, he comes to the door, unlocks it, opens it, and sees before him--an immense mountain. So he starts climbing the mountain, he almost gets crushed by avalanches, he almost FALLS OFF, and he finally gets to the top of the mountain where he finds a little hut. The can hear the beautiful singing coming from the hut right in front of him. He puts the key in the lock, turns it, opens the door, and there in front of him is the source of the singing.

Now pause and wait for your audience to ask: "WHAT WAS IT?"

I can't tell you that--you're not a priest!

(Now run like hell.)